End of the Fiscal Year

So... the end of my "fiscal" year has come (a year since Jay and I split).. I say this because when I called him in January to tell him that my mother had packed her shit and just left and that I thought 2009 was my SHIT YEAR, his words to me were, "No babe... you have a whole fiscal year...so it won't be until the end of May when your "year" is over...". This was INCREDIBLE news... I was ecstatic.

So yeah, she packed her shit and left... it was all dear john and all. No letter or anything to us kids.. She thought we would "understand"... I am still not "understanding".. Then after seven weeks of self-discovery and reflection she decided that she wanted to come home because she missed her family.. Ok.. whatever.

It has been hard...

Tyler has finished his freshman year at Jones.. just now beginning to pitch again.. but did get a scholarship again for next year!

Kim has returned to the mountain for the summer.. If I could go there for the entire summer and still pay my bills, I would be ALL OVER IT!!!! I am not taking it very well that we are not going this summer.. I will miss it so much. Going to visit her is not the same as going as a camper.

I am now working back in Jackson, CMMC. A whole lot of things contributed to my making this decision.. time will tell if it was the best decision. I miss my peeps in new orleans, for sure.

On a different note... over last summer I lost about 35lbs.. yep, felt great, thought I looked better, did I say I felt great??? But since January and all the shit I have gone thru I have managed to FIND it all... I eat when depressed.. plain and simple.. but, I am trying to find a silver lining and a different place for myself. It's not easy....

A decade??? Really??

Wow... TEN years... I would have to say that the past 10 years seem to have been the "meat" of my life thus far... Now, I am not saying if it was filet mignon or bologna, but it has been the meat.

Let's see:

Ringing in Y2K at the Lake Terrace Convention center with family and friends (and Musty haha)... Graduating nursing school and becoming a "big girl" with a job... Finding and meeting a glimmer of MYself as a single girl.. just a glimmer... definitely should have taken longer and found more.. Beginning what would become my longest relationship to date... One that I am horrified to think about the "rule" of getting over someone with... (Take the number of years together, divide by 2, that's how long it takes to get over them...) FOUR YEARS???!!!??? Oh Hell.. .I hope not.. Other monumental occurences... Kim and Tyler graduating, going to France, my Granny dying..getting a puppy!

Then thinking that this is the FIRST New Year's I have been SINGLE in probably close to 15 years... and I am at work. Which is probably the safest option... otherwise i would probably choose to medicate and sleep right on thru it... not missing a thing..

But what will the next 10 bring? well, they will take me to the ripe old age of 43.. that's about all i know.. I guess that means, mammograms?? Menopause??

I think i should probably start seeing Ted again.. yep... will look into it!

Change...

So.. it's been since February that I blogged..

so much has happened.. life has just moved on...

Baseball season was GREAT... we did well, made it to the 1st round of playoffs.. went to VanCleave for the second game and lost.. I will never forget that text.. the one on the way home from the bus carrying our BRAVES.. "I never thought it would hurt this bad." What do you say? The world is their oyster but the thought of all they have ever known coming to an end.. what do you say? (I wish someone would tell me for personal reasons right about now...) Prom, Class night, Graduation.. all came and went.. I was SO busy doing SO much during this time.. I might have neglected many things in my personal life while being so busy.

Graduation on the 21st of May..

Sister had to be on the "Mountain" by Saturday the 23rd.. I am SO very proud of her for making the decision and sacrifices to go and spend a whole summer serving on that mountain. She went up there all by herself not having a clue as to what to expect.. And it was not easy. it turned out that working with the campers was a whole lot easier than working with her fellow staffers. What incredible life lessons she learned. It was so hard to go to the mountain with our church and NOT be going to the same camp she was at.. and worse than that.. she had campers that week and was unable to come visit us at our camp. We were able to see her our first night and I just couldn't hug her enough! Then I was able to sneak away on Wednesday night and go to her camp for dinner and worship. Seeing her with her campers and staff... she was awesome.. she was at her best. She always strives to see the best in people and always gives second chances. She forgives so easily. Qualities that I struggle with often. Proud is not even a smidge of how I feel about her!!

As sister was arriving at camp on the 23rd, Dad, Tyler and I set out on our 5 day Senior trip cruise with a group of friends. I was not looking forward to this trip.. What am I going to do with a bunch of 40+ and 19 & unders?? it was beautiful.. we went to Nassau.. spent 8 hours there.. glad to say i have been there, but... it was time to come home..

Arrived home on the 28th, 11am'ish.. I had done some thinking about me and jay on the cruise.. I had made the decision that "if" he were still there when i returned that I was really going to put some time and energy into whatever may be left of our relationship.. He stood so patiently and tolerated so much during that Spring. He was way farther back than "back-burner".. He got home an hour or so after me and there it was.. It just wasnt' working. I knew it, had known it for a while.. he had known it too.. we were just too comfortable to do anything about it. But, i had chosen something/someone/anything else over him just one too many times. I don't blame him. People need attention and affection and need to feel important.. I had not made him feel that way in quite some time. So, he moved out. I went straight back to work with about 24 hrs to absorb and deal with what just happened.. it was hard. Not because I thought it was the wrong decision, but the end of an 8 year relationship... friendship.. It is still very hard to deal with. We have become friends again and I am very thankful for that.

I have been trying to get out and about and do new things and meet new people. A new, unexpected friend came into my life and I am thankful for that. But the friendship is definitely a challenge for me. This friend is so very different than any other I have.. so i am having some life lesson moments.

I am not looking forward to the holidays at all.. (which is SO unlike me)... I have been having many pity parties lately! ha! 32 and single.. things could be worse, i am well-aware! It's just not where I thought I would be.. although most people do say that when they go through major life changes. I keep telling myself that in these harder times is when we become stronger.. Myself is tired of hearing that!! haha!

So, there ya go.. It's me, Harvey and the 4 cats.. maybe that is how it was meant to be..

February 2, 2009

Little Blessings

It is weird how the most aggravating of noises can be a part of some of the best times.  Like right now... I am really wanting to watch some stuff on TiVo that I missed tonight... Granted, I was "allowed" to watch the Bachelor, fast forwarding thru unimportant parts... ha!  But, instead of me lying on my couch watching whatever i wanted to... I am lying on my bed, watching Will & Grace reruns on Lifetime, with the sounds of "Whoopin & Hollerin" (and occasional obscenities) coming from my living room...  it is "foosball" time for the boys!!

Yes, Tyler and Jay are in the middle of many heated football games on the XBox...  As much as their outbursts interrupt my peaceful television watching, they make me realize how VERY lucky I am.   

First of all, I have found the guy that LOVES my family.   In what dream does that happen?   Now, not saying he agrees with everything they think... but, to see him with Kim or Ty or to hear him talk about them... they are HIS, too!   I am so blessed to have someone that understands my overly maternal, unnatural connection with the two of them... because, i will be the first to admit, it is weird... (but would NOT trade it!)...  

Secondly,  for my brother and sister to have someone that they trust and respect the opinion of enough to ask about anything!   If there is something they cannot ask me, Jay is there.  

I truly believe that your self-esteem and worth comes directly from those closest to you... well, maybe i should say that those closest to you have the greatest impact on making or breaking how you feel about yourself.  I really hope it boosts how they feel about themselves knowing that they will always have us in their corner, win or lose...pass or fail...  how we feel about them does not change!

So... I will sit here, on my bed and gladly be interrupted by the hoots and hollers from the living room and be happy that my two favorite guys get along so well with each other and play nice together!

Hello to the New Year!!

Well..  all sorts of new things...

A new year.  A new job..  New people...  New start!

so.. i have been a poor blogger.... will definitely try to do better!

Thanksgiving..  good..  nice quiet (semi-quiet) family dinner.. then Jay and I went shopping on Black Friday.. he LOVED it!! haha!! (and I got my Hallmark Christmas paper, as always!)     Sister was home, we bought Christmas trees!!  all the good stuff!   OH and Ole Miss beat State!! YaY!!

I finished up my contract at East Jefferson..  I made friends there and will miss them, but will not miss some of the drama....as that is anywhere!  I just started (on the 5th) working FULL TIME at Ochsner in Kenner.  I will be working the same type schedule, work 3 nights then go home, but with benefits and a descent pay!!  

I turned 32... we had a GREAT time at the Hibachi!   it was family & friends!!   Ty, Mo, Clint,Jesse, Kim, Madison, Krissy, Mom and Dad... everything was awesome!   I LOVE those people!!   My J had to work tho..  but, I dropped him off some cake!!  :-)

Christmas...well, I was off of work for the two weeks of the holidays!!  It was nice!!   I ended up getting a little bored and letting my holiday depression get the best of me.. towards the end of the 2 weeks i didn't get out of the bed some days... not good.  not good at all...  and i had the crud that week too... 

But... good things happened over the holidays too!!   We went Christmas caroling on the 23rd... me, kim, lauri, allison, jeff, clint, tyler, leah and jon glaze!!  We had the BEST time and everyone loved it!  Kim and I made cookies to give the people and it was awesome!  Really got us in the spirit!   Christmas Eve, church and lights, as always!!  AND little Sarah and Chris came over to the house for Christmas Eve snacks and cocktails!  Christmas morning was good!  J and I went to his moms that afternoon and night (oh and Harvey participated in all, except church and Christmas lights..)haha!

New Years was probably the beginning of the slump...  Jay had to work... so, i just stayed at home, took my ambien and slept... it was fairly depressing... and then it just didn't lift.  I don't know.   but, i feel better now.

I don't know if I am leaving anything out or not...  other than I really enjoyed having sister home!   We made cookies and all sorts of stuff!  She is such a beautiful person and soul...  I just LOVE her!  And brother is starting the first week of his last semester of school...   and it is going to be a rough semester.. baseball season and a full load of classes...   He will do fine tho!  

Well,  there is a quick catch up... i feel like i should be more insightful, funny and philosophic.. but... it is just not in me as i sit trapped in this nice hotel in new orleans with very little money and restrictions from those that love me to not "go out wandering......".....  ha!  so.. i sit... and type and wait on Nip Tuck!!!

Who? Why?

I am 31 years old...almost 32 and I have gone my ENTIRE life without having any kind of prank pulled on me, except for one yard rolling!   Then out of nowhere, last night, someone sets a bag of dog shit on fire on my back door step.  ??????????

I can SO understand this happening if  brother were here, he was not...  I cannot begin to think who would do such a thing... Luckily the little asses did not get the laugh they wanted because I was too scared to open the door, therefore not even seeing the flames... HA on you...   The only thing they can be proud of is that they got away...that is it... they were chased tho!   I just didn't follow them correctly.....  go figure!

I have always been a little jumpy with going outside by myself at night or thinking someone is outside looking in at night.. NOW... Ughh..  How am I going to take Harvey out?   My kitchen does not have blinds... (which could be  good thing, it may keep me out of the kitchen after dark..therefore not eating!)... but, Harvey has to go out to potty...   

So.. if you know or have any inkling of an idea... please let me know which little immature kid did this....I would like to talk with them......