I Don't Know......

Well, if you are curious where the title for my blog came from...........it IS the story of my life. There are so few things that I do know. Decision making, even for the little stuff like "where do we eat", is a major task for me! So, when big things come up..WHOA!!! I just "don't know"!

I think it stems from my lack of self-confidence/self-esteem. I present with the upmost of confidence, but deep down, there is very little. I look around and see that I am surrounded by people that love me. I mean, unconditionally, whole-heartedly, LOVE me. These are people that are so dear to my heart that I would do ANYTHING for (and in many cases have done some odd things for!!). I see myself as a mother to a few of them, a friend to others. I truly love them in return.

Family: My brother has just been busted "chewing tobacco". It IS the END of the WORLD! He is a baseball player and he is a boy. He's going to try new things. Unfortunately, my mother sees him as the "golden child" and has put every last inkling of hope in her life IN HIM. Now, he has let her down, broken her heart.......and the world as we knew it is over. She is slowly losing her mind. She has been numb too long to see any happiness within herself. She is looking for it in him. My sister and I have outgrown her looking for it in us. He was her LAST hope. I have a really bad feeling that something bad is going to happen. She drinks to forget (if only for a moment). She is so cold and bitter. This is the icing on the cake.

But, today is Saturday.....I have no plans to do anything special. I need to clean my house...I'd love to go to Baton Rouge......I would love to go see my J.

Until tomorrow..........